I am going to have to do some post flipping. I have a post already started that I guess will have to post after this one. As it is almost the end of the day, I am proud to say that I have officially not checked my email all day. Roll eyes at how ridiculous that sounds. I wanted to throw my phone out the window yesterday because I was checking it so much. And then getting mad that I was checking it so much. I was on a spree of catch up this weekend which I try to do when I’m doing well. Catch up normally consists of the list of callbacks, emails, cleaning, etc, the typical pile up stuff that creeps up on everyone. Between Sunday and Monday, I put out probably a good 12 emails for every reason possible: career interests, responses to old emails, inquiries, a project that I am slowly trying to work on, etc. I then went on a Ebay rampage from recent de cluttering efforts to make a little money from the shoes I am finally accepting will no longer be ideal for me anymore. (Anyone want to buy my stuff ??? 🙂 Lots of shoes!) Well as of the end of the day Tuesday, I had not received ONE response and my shoes had ZERO bids. NOT ONE. FOR EITHER! And somehow I thought hitting the mail icon every thirty two seconds on the iPhone might change that. I drove myself off a wall and I got to a point where I wanted to take it and chuck it out the window into the 8 degree weather outside.
I think of myself as not particularly attached to my phone. I laughed when I watched the special on TV about the four girls who had to go through a 2 week detox from their smart phones and basically had complete breakdowns. … When I was in my very rough patch this fall, I would turn it off for days at a time. Minimal word response texts of “bad day call you when better” became universal language. I learned to embrace not being so dependent on it. Somehow it has creeped back in. I have forced myself to only put it on the charger in my bathroom at night so I don’t use it before bed (also better for sleeping environment…need to post on sleep at some point). But still, the second I wake up in the morning and stumble my bathroom with a sleep mask on , I pick it up and hit the mail button.
So this morning I vowed to not check my email all day. You think a better response would be to leave my phone at home all day but I’m not at that point yet. Maybe that will be tomorrow’s venture. I figured the chance something pressing comes in that needs to be answered immediately is slim to none. And the chance my stuff has sold on Ebay is even more slim to none. It’s one of those weeks. I bet if I went to one of those astrology sites, it would probably say it’s a terrible time for me to do business or communicate with people. Try again. Ha!
It is disgusting how bad the habit has become, I got off the phone (after trying to find a way for my slippers to get home from Starbucks an hour away, don’t ask) and I hit that evil mail button without even thinking about it. I yelled out loud when I realized it and quickly turned the screen off. AND I did it a second time later.
Technology is amazing. I have this blog because of technology. But being completely dependent on anything in life other than the basic needs really isn’t healthy. And as this blog has a big theme of mindfulness and living in the moment, I don’t think I need to go into too much detail of how being attached to a smart phone, whether it be texts, emails, phone calls or notifications is just a distraction to avoid being present. Yes, many of us need it for work. But all of a sudden this gives us this guilt complex that we must answer people immediately and be on call 24/7. It makes it that much harder for us to take a night off.
I know I caught myself starting to feel so dependent on hearing back to make myself feel okay. This is not about being present. It’s about looking from outside sources for contentment. All of a sudden, I had this need for attention instead of just finding contentment myself. I know perfectly well that people are busy, they don’t check their emails every five seconds, etc. The reason they are not answering has nothing to do with me, but all of a sudden when I have things I am waiting for, I start becoming obsessive with my phone that allows me to check things constantly, it becomes (this is what RT calls headmind) why is no one answering me?! Or did I do something? Or NO BIDS on my items!? All of a sudden I have this ridiculous need to be connected. How many of us tend to do this when we are sitting somewhere waiting for someone? Or we are in a public place by ourself? We text, we call, we read emails, we read the news, anything from having to be present with nothing to do! My generation has become immune to the addiction. We don’t know anything else but being connected 24/7.
It’s evident for me that I need to go back to leaving my phone on the charger or leaving it in other rooms a lot more often or better yet leaving it at home for the day… I guess tomorrow I will have to check my emails for work and such but maybe I shall go back to toning it down.
You tell me: Are you a technology addict? Could you leave your phone at home?
Speaking of technology addict: I figured I’d supply the lovely image I did get to see this morning instead of my inbox: